Wandering about

The past has a way of haunting us when we least expect it, it's cold and daunting. I would'nt say I have a shady past but I sure have some embarassing moments and when I think back my stomach would fold and I would cringe.

I spend most of my waking time thinking about everything. Life, how to kill someone, what if I was adopted, you get the gist. Still, I have no idea what I'm doing or where I wanna go, I'm just drifting, wandering about until the fateful day comes. What, when or how I don't really know but I can be sure that it's gonna be quite a shocker

Somewhere along the line I got messed up really bad, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Back then I was'nt ready to admit that I was broken inside and like everyone else I swept it under the rug and cover my ears. A few years later all my past problems came back tugging at me and I made some really bad decisions.

I won't say I regreted doing what I did before because it was those choices that made me what I am today, and I'm pretty glad with what I am. I guess it's just a matter of how comfortable you are with yourself, if you feel that you are a likeable person then you will be one, however if all you do is coop yourself at home and cry about how no one cares then I guess no one will. 

I just wish that there were adults in my life, the few that I know are so busy(parents, teachers) and even when I try to talk about more complicated stuff they just laugh or give me a really really vauge answer, like what's up with that? That's actually one of the things I hate about adults, they are so full of themselves and they always take people younger than them flippantly. Fortunately these types of adults ar'nt the bright kind. OMG, that explains so much. LOL

The problem with me is that I know too much. My brain gets stuck trying to find the right piece of information to apply and I just end up with tons of un-related junk. Just earlier I manage to explain the entire mechanism of dating and realtionships but when I look at myself I practice NONE of it. One of my friends puts it blatantly to me, "you will never understand cause you'r not in a relationship" which is quite true, I plan and plan so that my end game is perfect but I forgot to just enjoy the thrill of the chase.

Sorry for the lengthy post! If you'r wondering where the usual dose of dark humor and insulting remarks went, it's still in me! I just feel that I should blog what I really feel and not force content out of myself just to get viewers, I wrote all about that in my previous post so check it out if you haven't! I'm sure most of you can relate:) Pleaseeeeeee leave a comment, I feel so alone here:(