comfort zones

Ok, so I have good news and better news.

The good news.
I got selected for some student journalism thingy! Really happy, hope this is the big break I was waiting for *fingers crossed*

The better news.
So during class today my teacher showed me an e-mail sent by the head of coporate affairs (from I.T.E), she said and I quote "I find it interesting" (refering to my blog) Uhm, miss Jamie if your reading this I'm so sorry you had to sift through the obscene amount of vulgarities on my blog, promise to keep it clean next time :)

Anyway, onto the more pressing topic at hand. Comfort zones.

It's a simple choice really.
So there's this girl in my school, I would'nt say I know her but for some reason we keep crossing paths and when we do she would stare deep into my eyes (maybe it's the other way round to her) like she's trying to burn my brain out, I mean she either has a problem with me or she really really like my eyeballs.

Now usually what a normal teenager would do is to ignore and forget about it, but I'm not a normal teenager and so I approached her, at this point my heart was beating so fast I could feel it pounding across my chest.

I then asked (more like begged) for her number and which to my surprise, she gave it to me.

Maybe she gave me out of politeness or pity but you know what, I stepped out. I stepped out of my comfort zone. And that is all that matters.

Those that know me beyond this computer screen knows that when it comes to girls even lady luck herself hides from me and it hurts, not gonna lie, it really does. Which is why I restrain myself mentally and emotionally and I demolish any thought, hope, chance I have at relationships, even platonic ones.

When I was in secondary 2 I met this girl, really beautiful. We hit it off pretty well and soon we were boyfriend-girlfriend (lol) anyways what I did'nt know was she already has a boyfriend and I was just....a substitute. When I found out I was so damn embarassed I think I shut down emotionally. Since then I know something inside me was fucked up but you know what, it feels so good to wallow in self-pity.

Until today, when I talked to a complete stranger, I think I felt alive again. Sure, she may not be interested in me as I am in her BUT at least I teared down an emotional wall.

I'm sure I won't be talking to anymore strangers soon but hey, if one day when Misses Right walks
pass me, I know I can tell her how beautiful she is.

If you want to hear more about how pathetic my life is, you can follow me on twitter @A_adolescence. I'm thinking of short-tenning my blog url so it would be easier to spell so stick around and as always, thanks for reading.


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