Back to the start

It's been almost 3 months since I started this blog, I don't wanna sound like some big-shot but I really put alot of effort into it. I'm not a heavy smoker but God knows how many ciggerattes I've smoked because of the damn codes, blogskins and stupid tutorials. I don't regret any of the time(and health) wasted on it though, I really love blogging and MAYBE this is the path for me.

It's just that recently all I seem to think about is getting pageviews, earning money, building an image etc etc. I started this blog because I wanna write down my thoughts and feelings I can't express through talking. It was fine in the begining, it was simple, fun and pure. Nothing more, nothing less. Gradually over time as more and more people start to notice my blog, I suddenly became very aware of what I'm writing about and started deleting some of my posts because I wanted people to see the cool and funny side of me.

I'm always talking about how you should'nt rant your emotions on twitter and whatnot, but gradually I understand why people do it, they need someone to notice their pain and emotions and I soon come to realise I'm no different. The only reason I chose blogging over twitter is because I have a bigger and more expressive vocabulary.

While there's no doubt in how bad I am at being a teenager, I always thought somehow I was different from the rest but after lonely nights, reflection and one too many Marlboros have I come to realise I was very wrong. Sure, I don't follow the conventional rules set by teens but deep down I have all the same needs. Love. Passion for something. FRICKING EMOTIONS.

Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite because I don't always believe what I write. Recently it's been more about the pageviews and less about how I really feel. I miss that feeling when I took up all the energy I had and fought off procrastination and started to blog what I liked and not giving a fuck about what other people want to read. I was blogging how I really felt and you can shoot me all you want but it still won't change.

I guess there's no escaping adolesence, everyday I wished so badly how I was 16 again so I won't have to feel this whole new spectrum of emotions.

At this point, I feel there's really no point in fighting it anymore. The only thing I can do is to adapt to it, find out how it works and hopefully get out of it better and stronger with the help of friends and family.

If you somehow have got the patience to read all the way here, I just wanna say thanks for reading what I wrote and for giving my blog a chance. I won't lie, the pageviews still kinda matter to me and I really hope I can take blogging as a career, just that from this point on, I will only blog what I feel, what I really think and it might be a little more wordy but I assure you if you read all the way to end you will not be disapointed

Once again, thanks for reading, I'm sorry for the bad grammer and sucky english in general. I can't find a picture that describe how I feel so I'm not gonna\put any. I hope this will be my last "moody and stressed out" post and as always, stay tuned:)