5 habits you keep from the poorer days

When I was younger I had to eat instant noodles dry because there was no electricity in the house, I would sit and wait in hopes that my dad would show up with actual food, but that day never came and so I would steal food from my neighbours or borrow money from random people on the streets because not only was the hunger unbearable but I also had a younger brother to feed. It is duing this times which I picked up some bad (and really annoying) habits which I still carry till today. Even though my family is doing slightly better, I find myslef unable to break free from......

5. Avoiding medication, doctors and checkups. 
Now that's one doctor I would never avoid.
While some people are just trying to prove to the entire world that they are somehow immune to everything, the rest of us don't go because we think it's unnecessary or just too damn expensive. While it's true healthcare in Singapore is slightly more expensive, there are times where a trip to the doctors is warrented.

I'm not talking about flus or coughs, I'm talking about high fevers, broken limbs, deep cuts, etc etc. A while back I had a serious case of food poisoning and for the first few days I resisted because DAMN, I WAS RAISED IN A FAMILY THAT NEED NO DOCTORS. This continued until the pain kicked in.

And by God was it painful.

I don't know how but apparantly there's this stigma that poor people are less prone to sickness and all that nasty stuff, let me tell you now that is ABSOLUTE BULLSHT. Sure, we may have thicker stomachs to digest all that uncooked food but as far as being immune goes we are NOWHERE as immune as we ike to think.

4.Becoming hyper aware of brand names and fashion. and anything remotely nice.
Jesus christ lady, did they not teach you to not tie your hair into one long penis at school?

This is something I'm still dealing with, whenever I think of shopping, I immeadiatly start panicking. Do I have enough money? Do I actually need it? What about my family, will they think of me as a money sucking leech?

It's so hard to come out of this bubble of insecurity, especially if no one EVEN realise they are in a bubble to begin with.

When I was younger I can always hear my parents discussing how they are going to pay for next month's bill, being the young boy I was, I would deny myself anything nice, phones, clothes, allowance, going so far as to deny myself a room so we could rent it out for extra income. Just a few weeks ago my "bed" was just a mattress with a pillow and a thin blanket. In the living room. With my punching bag as a bolster. (note: don't use a punching bag as a bolster, thing is thick as fuck)

No one told me those were my parent's problem to handle and that I should just focus on my studies, I started to develop this twisted sense of guilt whenever I would spent a little on myself besides food. It was'nt because I hate myself or anything, it's that inner voice telling you that you are spending hard earned money on something as stupid as clothes.

So yeah, I guess what this means is that I'm a boring person to go shopping with.

3.Hoarding stuff.

Now there's a fine line between not wasting and hoarding. This is especially true for me when it comes to food.

If you happen to know me in real life, you might notice that I have an un-usually huge appetite, well actually.....I don't.

Food to me has always been a touchy subject because when I was younger food was really really hard to come by. It was always leftovers from that kind auntie or some uncle think I'm cute so they bought me breakfast, one time I bought my gold necklace down to the coffeshop below my house and ask for two bowls of noodles, 4 eggs and 4 slices of bread. I remembered it so well because when I reached home my mother took 2 canes, tie them together and hit me till my legs were bleeding. Ever since then food to me was gold and not a single ounce could be wasted.

Fast foward a few years, I'm in secondary school with all these people just leaving food around! How dare they! They do not know the importance of food! And so began my one man crusade to not waste food, often I would finish my friend's food when they could not and while it may seem gross to you, it was actually finaincially sound to me. It was'nt until I was older did I realise I was behaving like a dirty homeless man.

Even till today, I would sometimes look at my friend's plate still full with food and when I feel myself reaching for the spoon I would slap myself in the brain until brain matter dribbled out of my nose as a gentle reminder to myself that the poor days are behind me.

2.Irrational hatred of rich people.
one day I swear

Let me just say that it has nothing to do with jealousy though sometimes it does play a part. It's more like the rich are saying "Hey you poorfuck, look at me, I'm rich and I have 5 cars, 10 watches and a 100 girlfriends to prove it. So yeah, suck it up your poor arse"

The first thing that jumps to my mind is a comparison. "I live on 8 dollars a day and this rich d-bag is complaining about his I-phone 5s not being thin enough?" or "I feel guilty eating at a shopping mall and this rich fucker is complaining about how his shark fin soup is too cold?" It's not that I want what they have, it's that I resent them for having it.

And it doesn't just stop there.

Growing up I was taught that if you still have money left over from buying food then you are rich, and because about 70 percent of my allowance goes to food I found myself wondering how the hell are all these 16 year olds buying all these branded stuff.

Then I found out that parents are suppose to buy their kids gifts and nice stuff.

Imagine my surprise when I found out parents buying their kids stuff was kinda of a norm, I had to come up with an explanation why my parents did'nt buy me stuff, I needed a justification as to why I did'nt have all these cool gadgets and so began my long road of hating rich people.

And like all habits this one is especially hard to break free from, but not as nasty as.....

1.You find yourself willing to do all kinds of shit for money.

Imagine this, you go out for a smoke, you look around and see this foreign worker sitting there alone and all of a sudden you are filled with this urge to just......take his money.

Don't worry, nothing happened, I turned and just walk the other way.

The fact that I was filled with such a thought makes me shudder, and it does'nt just end there. You lie, you manipulate people, you steer facts, you put on an act all so to get that few bucks. It's not so much an addiction as it is an insecurity. Over time as the guilt weighs on you, you start to close off and reject the outside world in fear that the money monster may come knocking on your door.

Now that I'm slightly more well to do I don't worry about money as much as I use to but to think back then I was ready to rob someone for a few bucks.......christ, no as in Jesus christ save me from this evil within me.

Don't worry I don't ask for money over twitter @A_adolesence I usually go down in person.


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