I hate

Fuck. I hate it when I have to rely on others to get something done. Feel so damn useless. I hate it when I own my sucess to other people. I hate it when I have big dreams but lack the patience. I hate doing nothing.

I swear it was supposed to be simple but like always it gets twisted somewhere. I should really stop dreaming. I hate it when I take stuff seriously cause I always have to do it alone. Hate it when I have a weird passion. Why can't I just be a normal teenager and go all yoloswag and not giving fucks and act cool and attract attention and go become yp and go crazy. Why the fuck am I programmed this way.

I hate it when I get excited about something cause yeah, shit always fuck itself up somehow. I hate it when I can't relate to my other friends cause I'm so weird. I hate it when I have to control myself so people won't point fingers at me. I hate it when people are unmotivated about something they said they are. I hate saying it's ok.

I hate fucking up. I hate it when I have the answers but it's too late. I hate it when you get close with her. I hate stuck in between two worlds. I want to be something. An ah beng, a nerd, a retard, an outcast, the cool dude, SOMETHING. I hate it when I when I'm a little bit of everything.

I hate losing friends. I hate losing contact. I hate it when someone becomes just a memory.  I hate not having like minded friends. I hate changing just to fit in. I hate not being invited. I hate pretending like I don't care when I actually do. I hate writing about my feelings. I hate feelings. I hate the fact that I can't go rant on twitter because I will feel embarassed. I hate not being the sterotypical teenager.I hate the fact that only by writing can I vent all my pent up emotions.

Everyone is saying to be yourself but when I'm myself nobody can handle it. I'm like a little light in my school and everyone is darkness trying to snuff me out. I hate laughing all the time. I hate having to plug in my earpiece cause I don't want to hear what you are talking to her about. I hate looking away everytime you talk to her.

I hate caring about pageviews. I started this blog to write about my feelings. Now all I want is for people to read. I guess in a way I'm not emotionally dead as I thought I am. That felt so fucking good.

Ok. FROM NOW ITS LESS ABOUT WHAT I THINK PEOPLE WOULD LIKE AND MORE OF WHAT I FEEL LIKE. ARGHHHHHH.